Türchen 9 (von Cosmo)

Parallel worlds

It is funny when I think about what happened on the 9th of December in the last 20 years.
In 2000 I got my first flat in Vienna. I just arrived and a new world opened up to me. A world full of new experiences, friends and definitively freedom.
In 2006 I came together my big love. I remember on that day I also decided not to go to London to pursue my career. It was the beginning of a new chapter: it was the first time I decided to stay in a place because of love .. the first time I put a relationship on top of my career.
9th December 2009: we signed the contract to buy our flat. Together. What a commitment. Well, half a year later, he left me. I lost 10kg in 2 months. He came back. We got back together.
Damn it!
9th December 2019: he is unsure, he needs space and time. I always gave him that. He admits it. So what’s that? Let’s face the truth .. it is about time to move ahead. It is not (only) that. We had great years, we are a great team but do we need more that that? I would have never questioned our relationship because even if we are not perfect, nobody is. A commitment is something important to me.
He does know it in theory but not in practice. It will be always like that: come together, love, sparks and then reality will succumb.
No need to mention it: I was teared apart. Again, it came from nowhere and it was very unexpected. It seems it just blows up every time.
I know, this is possibly my luck: tired to be his mate, his mom, his lover. In particular: to be his mom. How many times I wishes somebody I could lean on .. just sometimes.
Ain’t your Mama
I am a bit angry at myself because I kinda of knew it .. but I am stubborn.
Damn it!
Well now I will be strong, I will be vulnerable, I will be who I am. I will feel and I will allow myself to just be.
9th December 2020 .. where will I be? Life: I am ready for the next 9th December. I am going to face you again, no matter if I will be happy or sad. For sure, you will teach me something new and I will keep growing.
OK, deal! It is a date. See you next year.

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