Türchen 11 (von Arnisa)

As I sit here on our comfy sofa drinking my cup of coffee, so peaceful this early in the morning or at least until Luna’s feet hit the floor, I reflect about you. I wish you could have met her, though I am grateful you at least knew that she was on her „way to us“.

And as live goes on, our children grow up and we countinue with our daily routine, there is not single moment when you, in some way or another, are not part of my life. Mami I want you to know:

I want to make you proud! Every decision, victory, sorrow everything in my life is somehow connected to you. I am striving to honor you and bring you happiness and pride. My goal is to be like you with all the characteristics you are remembered as: an incredible confident, loyal, faithful, strong, compassionate, caring, loving, attentive, authentic and famly-oriented woman. If I can be half as good as a mother as you were to Alek and me, that would be my greatest achievement.

I will not forget anything you taught me, or any of the moments we spent together. Because of you, I know that happiness and loving life are very important. I know that family and health is what really matters most. Everything I learned from you comes from the moments we spent together throughout the years. From all the moments of happiness, sadness, learning and growth, you held my hand and led by example. I do not remember a single moment you preached anything to me, you showed me who you were as a person , and that was all I needed to learn. I remember times, when I cancelled going out with friends, just because I enjoyed it so much spending time with you.I miss those moments Mami, your guidance and strength, our conversations. I miss you playing with the children, coming home and seeing you happily waiting for me/us, crying in your shoulder when things where not good, I miss your ability to make everyone around you feel better..

I appreciate life and its fragility more because of what happened. Although there is so much pain and grief to your loss, there is also a lot of good. I have realized how fragile life is and inevitably apply this to my daily life. Even on the darkness period of your life, you still managed to teach me something mami 🙂 . I will never forget the moment you were told the cancer is back and you would never be healthy again. Instead of giving up and waiting for your day to come, you fought . You fought and enjoyed every day as if it was your last one. You enjoyed all the little things that we take for granted and never notice them. I could see it in your face and you said it openly to everyone you knew. The way you accepted your fate, without sadness but with strength and the way you enjoyed the last years of your life has changed me . I am stronger for what happened.

I will never be able to thank you enough for being the best mother a child can have. But I belive that I am going to love my family as best I can , the way you taught me to, no matter how difficult life might be. I am proud to be your daughter and I want my children to know that their nena was a great mother and would have loved them to see them grow up. You maybe gone, but you are surely not forgotten.

Te dua mami….

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